I’m surrounded by people. Big people. I know some of them. They talk and cry and laugh and tell stories about a lady I don’t know.
She sounds nice.
I’m in Daddy’s arms. He’s warm. I hold his face and give him a hug. He’s safe. As we walk around, it’s hard to tell what’s going on. No one seems to be doing anything. They’re just standing there.
I want Mommy. I reach for her, and she takes me from Daddy’s arms. I’m happy. A lady with soft eyes and short, curly black hair passes Mommy and Daddy and Eli and me and just smiles. She waves. She blows kisses.
I like those. I blow kisses back.
Mommy asks me a question. I giggle.
Mommy doesn’t see the lady.
We’re in another room now. Daddy talks to a man who looks a lot like him. I’ve met this man before. He’s funny. Daddy and the man laugh.
I like Daddy’s laugh.
But now it’s quiet.
We’re in a new room. This room feels different. It’s colder. Darker. Eli runs off, like he always does. I want to play with him. I wriggle out of Mommy’s arms and run after my brother. Mommy grabs me. I cry, but I’m not sad. I stop and settle into her body. She’s warm, just like Daddy.
We’re now in a line behind the big people. I don’t know why. There’s no ride at the end. Just another man. He’s got lines all over his face. His eyes are grey. His head is smooth.
Where’s his hair?
I want to touch his head.
He’s smiling, but I can see sad too.
I love him even though I don’t know him.
He’s standing next to something. It’s big and long and made of shinies. A box. A pretty, shiny box.
Is this why we’re in line? To see this pretty shiny thing?
We wait for a long time. Now we’re next to the box. I touch the side with my hand. It’s smooth. But cold.
Mommy grabs my hand. I can’t touch it?
I want to touch it.
Daddy holds the old man in his arms and says something. Daddy loves this man too. They both smile, but Daddy’s eyes look wet. Mommy holds his hand, and her eyes match his. Eli tries to hide under the box. Silly boy.
And I see the lady again. She’s standing next to the man with lines on his face. She curls her hand and waves. A big smile fills her face. She sticks her tongue out. I giggle.
Mommy hands me to Daddy. He holds me over the shiny box. Lying inside is the lady. Mommy and Daddy can see her now too. But she’s sleeping. I look up and she’s awake, staring at me.
I look down again. Now asleep.
There are two of her? I don’t get it.
One is happy and pretty and young. The other, still pretty, with lines on her face. I try to talk to the awake one. All she does is move her hand like a princess. That smile still gleaming off her face.
Okay, I can do that. I try to be a princess too. Daddy sees and asks me something. I keep waving. He and Mommy look up. But I still don’t think they can see her. The woman laughs. I feel warm and safe.
She’s like Daddy. She’s like Mommy.
I love her.
We get out of line and sit down in another big room. All the seats face one way toward a man. He’s talking about the lady. He cries. I hear noses sniffling. People wipe their eyes.
But the woman is singing. She’s so happy! She walks by the big people and touches their shoulders. She’s next to Daddy. He doesn’t notice, but his eyes get big when she touches him. Mommy is next. She snuggles into Daddy’s shoulder.
The lady looks at me and touches Eli’s head and mine at the same time. Eli scratches his hair. I giggle and reach for her. I can’t touch.
Daddy shushes me, but I can’t stop.
I feel warm. I feel safe.
And then the woman begins to float. She turns into light, and she’s gone. The old man with the smooth head looks up at the ceiling. Little tears dripping onto his shirt. He closes his eyes and breathes.
When he opens them again, his eyes are clear and bright. They’re filled with good. The sad is smaller.
And I feel tired. I curl into Daddy’s arms and go to sleep.
